I recently came across a story by Alan Felman, a 30 year old writer for Medical News Today.  I want to share it with you because it expresses so many of the emotions and behaviors I felt and exhibited before getting my hearing aids…and after.

“The big kicker with gradual-onset hearing loss is that you are not aware of how it’s changing you until the physical symptoms have become moderate to severe,” said Adam.

Hearing ability diminishes so slowly that you don’t realize that one day the sound of the turn signal disappeared.  You no longer hear the key in the lock or the footsteps behind you. The “sounds of life” that keep us in touch with our environment, that soothe, reassure, and alert us, are gone.

Then there are the misunderstandings, mistakes, embarrassment. Your hearing is crucial for understanding the world around you. When your ability to hear and understand the spoken word diminishes, so too does your enjoyment of the things you love doing, the people you love being with and your ability to achieve closeness and bond with others. It is a frustrating and isolating feeling to be with those whom you hold dear only to feel left out because you do not understand the conversation and cannot participate in sharing.

Adam writes, “Communication is a huge part of navigating every stage of your life. If any element of communication is lacking, it can have a significant impact on the way our personality develops, and the methods you use to connect with the outside world.”

Even though your friends are probably understanding, and although subtitles exist to significantly improve the viewing experience for people who cannot hear as well as others, it can still be hard to ignore the underlying feeling of being ‘different’ and stigmatized.

“I developed subtle, invisible coping mechanisms to anchor my social interactions.  For example, I cycle between a set of 10-15 stock phrases that I wheel out based on the tone of voice and the context.”

“Absolutely!”

“100 percent!”

“I can fully understand that!”

“Tell me about it!”

None of these seems out of place in a conversation. However, once they become a substitute for genuine responses and coherent conversational flow, they develop into a cornerstone of shame and awkwardness in daily encounters. Especially when they are the wrong response.

Socializing becomes too much of a risk.  Every pang of guilt or embarrassment after saying “what?” or “huh?” might lead to another night when you don’t risk going out to socialize. You end up distancing softly spoken colleagues, friends, and even family members, simply because the effort it takes to process their speech can become draining.

“I have a lot to learn about life with hearing aids, but my first lesson was that no one close to me sees it as a negative life event. Everyone has been congratulating me as if I’ve just become a parent for the first time.  I’ve realized that however self-conscious you might feel about wearing hearing aids, people only see it as a connection with the world, and this is huge.”

Adam’s hearing aids gave him back the intimate details of life: easily hearing and understanding those around him and whispering a joke to a friend helped him close the gap that hearing loss drives between individuals. Our need to socialize with others is innately human.

Adam says his new hearing aids are discreet, nearly invisible, yet powerful.  Sometimes, to his underused ears, things sound a little too powerful.  A packet of chips opening across the room, wheels of the stroller on the balcony above, even the “cacophony during bathroom breaks sounds like a National Geographic documentary.”

“There are unexpected changes, too. My experience of food has completely altered — the additional frequencies and sounds add a lightness of bite and extra crunch that I was previously unaware of.”

“My hearing no longer feels impaired — that is, until I remove the hearing aids. Those few moments in the day without them, such as going to the gym or grabbing a shower, are now pretty draining by comparison.

“I have a lot to learn about life with hearing aids, but my first lesson was that no one close to me sees it as a negative life event. Everyone has been congratulating me as if I’ve just become a parent for the first time.  I’ve realized that however self-conscious you might feel about wearing hearing aids, people only see it as a connection with the world, and this is huge.”