Laugh With Us

The $75k Raise

A new patient came in to try hearing aids, and he was asked what led to the decision to finally seek better hearing. He said: “every year I hold a big event to thank my employees, and I would always just smile and nod during the party because I could never hear over the noise.  I came in the next Monday to an authorization for a $75k raise after I apparently agreed to it during the party.  I’m assuming hearing aids cost less than $75k.”

The Staircase Replacement

A patient came back for his first follow up after getting new hearing aids, and he looked somewhat upset. The patient’s wife, on the other hand, was smiling from ear-to-ear.

The audiologist asked the patient’s wife how things were going and she said “great, I don’t have to repeat myself anymore.”

The audiologist then asked the patient how things were going and he replied, “not great. I found out my staircase creaks so now I have to replace it.”

Wife: “I’ve been telling you that for years.”

Battery Low

Photo of Hearing Health Center audiologist x doctorSome hearing aids have a verbal “battery low” warning to indicate when the batteries should be changed. A new patient (who happens to be a physician) was recently fit with this type of hearing aid, and he wasn’t quite used to it yet. One day, as he was seeing his own patient, he heard “battery low” in his ear, and he turned to his patient and asked, “Did you just say ‘battery low’?”

Confused, his patient replied, “no.” Several minutes later, the doctor again heard “battery low” in his ear and again asked his patient, “Are you hearing someone say battery low?”

Later that day when his hearing aids shut off, he realized that it was his low battery warning and not his patient.

-contributed by Dr. Ashley St. Peter

Make a Left

A patient came in for a hearing test, accompanied by her husband. She said that she knows it’s time to get help for her hearing because she keeps hearing the wrong thing. She had recently picked up her husband from the train station and they were on their way to the gym. She was driving and her husband said “let’s go ahead and make a left right here.”

She responded, “what did you just say?!”

Her husband repeated himself and she heard him correctly this time. She said, “Oh my goodness. I thought you said, ‘let’s make love right here!'”

-contributed by Dr. Ashley St. Peter

The Follower

A patient went home after being fit with new hearing aids. As she walked up to her front door, she could hear that she was being followed. She quickly went inside, but still heard the sound of someone following her.

Concerned, she asked her neighbor to come over and help her investigate. Her neighbor investigated the house, but couldn’t find anyone else inside. The patient, however, could still hear someone’s footsteps.

It was then that they discovered the problem: it was her own high heel shoes on the hardwood flooring!

-contributed by Dr. Robert Risley

 

Wednesdays are free

A patient kept hearing music in his hearing aids in his bedroom. He did not hear it anywhere else, only in the bedroom.

When he told us about the problem, we had him borrow a separate set of hearing aids: he still heard the music. His wife listened to the aids at the same spot: she did not hear any music.

Photo of Hearing Health Center audiologist x disneyWhen the patient got his own hearing aids back, he could still hear the music. I asked him what kind of music he had been hearing, and he said that the music was “It’s a Small World” from the Disney World ride. As I started to gain understanding of what could be going on, I explained a phenomenon known as “phantom music” (musical hallucinations), and asked the patient if he ever worked at Disney World.

After explaining phantom music to the patient, he stated: “I have Wednesdays free.”
I asked, “for what?”
The patient replied, “for a psychiatrist.”

-contributed by Dr. Robert Risley

One Night Stand

A patient went to a gentleman caller’s home and didn’t want him to know that she wears hearing aids. She decided to leave her hearing aids in her ears all night, so that he wouldn’t see them.

The patient stopped by the office the next day, because all of the moisture and humidity from wearing her hearing aids all night caused them to stop working. She purchased a Dry and Store that day, so she wouldn’t encounter the same problem again!

-contributed by Dr. Robert Risley

 

Let’s have a beer!

Thirsty

Speak into my good ear!

Good Ear

You need a hearing test!

Hairy Chest

Can You Hear Me Now?

Can You Hear Me Now?

Three Problems

Three Problems

Dogshaming!

3.16 Dogshaming

Smart Knees

Bill and his wife were spending a day at the beach, enjoying a simple packed lunch of crackers, cheese, and fruit.
Photo of Hearing Health Center seagullsA hungry seagull came begging, cocking its head to and fro, carefully eyeing the couple and waiting for a handout. Bill was going to toss a cracker to the bird but his wife stopped him. “Are you crazy?” she asked him. “We’ll be engulfed in seagulls before we can get our hand out of the box,” she admonished him.
Chuckling at his lack of foresight, Bill sheepishly asked her, “am I an easy mark?”
Now it was her turn to chuckle at herself. She said, “Tell me again what you said, because I know for sure you didn’t say what I thought you said.”
“So, what did you think I said?” Bill asked her.
“Are my knees smart?”

I can’t take this anymore!

Photo of Hearing Health Center a sick woman sneezingAnnette was recently hospitalized for a contagious illness. As she started to feel better, she needed clearance from her doctor to socialize with family and friends again.

When her doctor gave her his update, Annette blurted out, “What do you mean, you ‘can’t take this anymore’?! You’re not the one who’s been sick and cooped up for five weeks! I ‘can’t take this anymore!’”
The doctor was startled, then laughed and repeated, “Annette, you’re ‘not contagious anymore!’”

Pig Sale

Husband: What are you doing after we leave here today, honey?
Wife: Jeannie and I are going to a big sale.
Husband:Why do you want one of those?
Wife:One of what?
Husband:A pig.
Wife:I’m not going to buy a pig!
Husband:Then why are you going to the sale?
Wife:To buy a dress.
Husband:For a pig?!

Pastries

Photo of Hearing Health Center audiologist x bakeryA woman who had trouble hearing ordered a pastry at a coffee counter. “Would you like me to heat it for you?” the attendant politely asked.

The attendant was startled by the glare the customer gave him as she backed away and said, “What makes you think I’m not capable of eating it myself?”

Watch Batteries

Photo of Hearing Health Center audiologist x clockA friend of mine asked me if I liked battery-powered watches better than the old ones that ticked.

Watches ticked?

Trapeze Artist

I know a man with hearing problems who has the grip of a trapeze artist.

Naturally, he hangs on to your every word!

Better to misplace

It’s better to misplace a hearing aid than a pair of glasses.

You don’t have to be wearing the hearing aid in order to find it!

My Voicemail

My voicemail has adjusted itself to my hearing problem. After you leave a message, it says, “Would you mind repeating that?”